We get into relationships to fulfill some sort of need. Whether its a need for trust, closeness, love, security, or friendship, we all have needs in a relationship.
Most of us go into relationships with the best intentions in mind. We really want things to work out. We want this person to be it. To be the one that saves us from having to go on another painful first date; the one that we can build a future with and keep our darkest secrets.
Sometimes we want those things so bad that we ignore those nagging feelings that your intuition is giving you, causing you to second guess the relationship. All relationships go through trials and you have the potential to come out stronger in the end from those trials if you can weather them. But when is it time to let go? Where is the line between a struggle in a relationship and dysfunction?
Here is a list of a few signs to look for that tell you it’s time to start moving on from the relationship:
1. You argue ALL. THE. TIME.
I know this seems obvious but it often gets overlooked. Those aren’t “lover’s quarrels” anymore. They’re disagreements and they happen frequently. Sometimes they turn into full-blown arguments and it’s more than just a once and a while thing. People can become stressed from work, family obligations, financial situations, or medical issues and they can become short-tempered but that should only be temporary. If you’re fighting at least once a week, it’s too much.
2. They can’t seem to commit to you
This doesn’t always have to mean cheating. Cheating is still another issue in itself but commitment can mean not flaking out on plans that you made together. If you can’t rely on them to show up at the movies, how are you going to rely on them in a marriage or for any other serious commitment? Again, life can throw curveballs from time to time and cause them to miss out on some plans but how do they react when that happens? Is it up to you to re-make those plans or are they eager to re-schedule? If they have made it a pattern to prioritize other parts of their life, or other people, over you, then your time in their life needs to be reconsidered.
3. They don’t listen to what you have to say
Communication is a huge issue in a lot of relationships and can be the cause of a breakdown of a marriage. Making an effort to listen to another person isn’t what causes the breakdown in communication, it’s not hearing the message the other person is trying to convey. If someone does not value what you have to say, they don’t have to agree or understand it, then communication will always be an issue. Not giving someone you are in a relationship with your full attention when they are speaking is disrespectful and now you have a whole other issue at hand:
4. They don’t respect you
I think this should be a dealbreaker. If someone you are in a relationship with does not respect you, then it’s time to go. If they don’t respect you, they shouldn’t be with you in the first place and it won’t hurt their feelings too much if you decide to leave. Respect means different things for different people but there are basic rules of respect you just don’t break. You should not tolerate any abuse of any form, emotional, sexual, physical, verbal, or financial. If they are abusing you in any way, they do not respect you.
Disrespect doesn’t always take the form of abuse, however. They can not respect your opinion, your lifestyle, the decisions you made in your past, clothing style, etc. I could go on and on but the point is that they don’t have to agree with any of it but they do have to respect that whatever it is, is a part of you, whom they are in a relationship with. If they can’t do that, they aren’t worth your time.
5. Being around them puts a damper on your day
Everyone has bad days. Everyone has days that they want to be left alone but if you get an ‘ugh’ feeling every time it’s time to spend time together, it’s time to let go. You should enjoy spending time with the person you’re in a relationship with and if you get this feeling around them, they may be picking up on it. Relationships aren’t puppies and rainbows every minute of the day but getting a feeling of dread at the thought of spending time with someone isn’t what a relationship is about either.
It’s understandable to want to try to hold on to a relationship. You don’t want to be the person who gives up easily and there must have been something that attracted you to this person in the first place, or you wouldn’t be with them. Sometimes people change, but sometimes they don’t. If you’re seeing these patterns in your relationship come up over and over again, it’s time to free yourself from the relationship before it becomes toxic and move on to bigger and better things.